Sunday, 16 June 2013

COMMITMENT - a cornerstone for YOUR relationship

The Oxford Dictionary states that COMMITMENT means an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. Translated into practical terms this looks as follows: 

• If I am committed to truth I choose not to exercise the freedom to lie. 
• If I am committed to a healthy lifestyle I make a choice to forgo the freedom of eating pizza every night of the week, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or eating huge slices of chocolate cake. 
• If I am committed to fitness I ignore the freedom to snuggle up in my warm bed rather than go for a chilly morning run. 

So, how does this work in the relationship realm?

When I commit to my partner - at the point of marriage or other binding partnership agreement - I make a conscious choice to say “NO” to any other love relationship. I choose not to look over the fence where the grass might appear greener. I decide to deal with difficult partnership issues when they arise rather than letting them build up to explosion point, or worse, to the point where I can no longer stand the sight of my partner. I share my concerns with my partner rather than taking them to my friend of the opposite sex who may appear to understand all my woes. I don’t entertain thoughts of how uncomplicated, wonderful and easy my life would be in another relationship….perhaps with soandsowho is super sexy or suchandsuch who is a real SNAG (sensitive new age guy). Instead, I remind myself of the fact - when temptation strikes - that I have made a binding agreement that restricts my freedom to take any action that would irreparably damage the relationship with my partner.

I can just hear some of you think: ‘That’s easy for you to say….you aren’t married to MY husband!’ or ‘You have no idea how hard it is…you don’t live in my circumstances!’ And you are right. I don’t know what it is like in YOUR shoes. But I have, for 29 years, remained in a marriage that has had its own share of ups and downs as those of you who’ve read my book would know. So, let me assure you that I know it isn’t easy but I also know that it can be done.

I would point out, however, that in order for a couple’s relationship to work, grow and thrive a similar level of commitment MUST be present in both partners. I also want to make it very clear that I do not endorse anyone remaining in a marriage, de-facto relationship or any other partnership that is abusive or a total nightmare.

Commitment in a couple’s relationship means: 

Till death do us part, through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer we choose to work together in making our marriage the best it can be; we deal with issues as they arise; we talk about our concerns, worries and grievances with one-another; we move closer together when the going gets tough; we give each other respect and honour even when we don’t particularly feel like it. Commitment means that I support my partner (without expecting anything in return) when he or she is in need of special attention and that I can rely on him or her to support me in a similar way when it is my turn to need some extra help. When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence I ensure that I make an extra effort to nurture the grass on my side so that it will be more luscious than any other.

Finally, let me say that without commitment you have nothing. Without commitment your relationship house is built on sand and will NEVER withstand the many challenges life has in store for

No comments:

Post a Comment