It is of course of utmost importance to focus in on and target areas that will grow, build and take your relationship to the next level. However, at the same time we must be aware of the mistakes that many couples make that sabotage and destroy their relationships in irreparable ways.
Here are some things you should keep in mind and be wary of if you seek to build a long, lasting and fruitful relationship:
Avoid Picking on Partner’s Faults
No one likes to be judged or picked on, especially by the person they love, so quit picking on your partner’s faults. You are not perfect yourself, so don’t expect your partner to be perfect either. Accept them for who they are, love them because of their imperfection and cherish them for the intrinsic beauty that lies hidden behind the external appearance.
Many relationships fail simply because the couple becomes too complacent and comfortable within the relationship. As human beings, we crave excitement and variety within our lives. Initially at the beginning stages of a relationship we experience many new feelings and also partake in activities that instigate mystery, uncertainty and unpredictability.
Once you are with someone for a while it’s easy to simply overlook the factors that initially created that spark and attraction in your relationship. If you notice that you are becoming lazy and that your relationship is becoming too predictable, realize that sooner or later one of you will have to do something to spice things up or the relationship will very likely fall apart both emotionally and physically.
Avoid Seeking Instant Gratification
It’s very easy to become addicted to having your partner around fulfilling all your deepest needs and desires. Don’t forget that even though you are within a relationship, you are still an individual entity with one beating heart and one thinking brain. Addiction to your partner may very well lead to neediness, which could make your partner feel claustrophobic within your presence. Instead practice being happy with yourself when your partner isn’t around. Moreover, practice satisfying your emotional, physical, spiritual and material cravings in constructive ways without needing your partner to be there all the time.
Finally understand that every relationship needs intimacy and closeness just as much as it requires a little separation and space. Therefore, be very careful not to become addicted.
Avoid Carrying Old Baggage
By old baggage I don’t mean old suitcases that you have been storing in your closet for years. Instead, I mean people, emotions and thoughts that keep you in the past and prevent you from moving forward with your current relationship within the present moment. Stay true to yourself by letting go of the past and focusing wholeheartedly on your partner today.
Avoid Having Unrealistic Expectations
Get over the fact that your partner will solve your emotional problems or self-esteem issues. Your partner is human, they will help you any way they can, however you must not rely on them to assist you with every problem that confronts you on a daily basis. This is simply just too emotionally draining and will eat-away at your partner’s emotional resources. You must understand that they are also dealing with their own personal problems at home, work, and anywhere else they transition through life. Yes, support each other, and be there when your partner needs you most, however do not hold onto unrealistic expectations that this relationship will bring you perfect happiness on every level of your life.
Relationships are not magic pills that you can pop at any time, they are instead support lifelines that can help make your transition through life much easier more exhilerating and fun.
Avoid Forcing Your Partner to Change
This again touches upon the idea of perfection. You are not perfect, so don’t expect your partner to be perfect either. Think back to your initial attraction and how you felt about your partner at the time. Did you nitpick at every little thing you didn’t like about them, or did you simply love them for who they were as a complete and perfect package with warts and all? Your union came together because you naturally complimented each others strengths and weaknesses. Keep this union alive by continuing to be strong where they are weak or competent where they may be inadequate. Ask yourself,
Does the world really need another clone of me?
Appreciate your partner for who they are and continue to work on maintaining that strength/weakness balance that is evident within all successful relationships.
Avoid Arguing to Win
Before you argue with your partner ask yourself
Even if I prove that my perspective is right, is it worth making my partner feel terrible about the fact that they are wrong?
Let’s all just grow up and stop acting like little children. What is right and what is wrong is irrelevant, as long as what is most important is still intact when everything is said and done. Is your opinion more important than your relationship?
Avoid Creating Negative Anchors
This is a natural outcropping of the above point. Whenever we are experiencing a powerful and intense emotional state, everything within our present environment naturally gets attached to that emotional state of being. This means that if you come home from work feeling angry and you transfer that anger onto your partner, than these emotions of anger will begin to slowly but surely anchor themselves to your partner’s presence.
For instance, the next week you might come home from work feeling on top of the world, however the moment you see your partner you begin to feel uncomfortable and angry, and you just can’t explain why? This is evidence that shows you that you have a negative anchor attached to your partner’s presence, and it is probably the biggest and most powerful destructive force on relationships in the 21st Century. To avoid this, simply separate yourself from your partner in times when you are experiencing heated emotions, and choose to be near your partner when you are feeling excitement and exhilaration.
This strategy will not only extinguish the probability of creating negative anchors, but will also create the possibility of experiencing positive relationship building anchors.